W.H.O. warns Santa could be ‘ultimate super spreader’

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout and here’s why – Santa Claus is bringing you COVID-19.

The World Health Organization issued a scolding warning this week when it announced a "potentially extreme super spreading event" taking place on the evening of December 24th.

Officials at the WHO say that since the start of the pandemic, never have they needed to prepare for such an event.

“You have someone who is travelling between towns, cities and countries while quite literally entering each and every household. This is terrifying,” outlined one official.

It’s unclear if Mr. Claus is expected to isolate after leaving or entering a new country and the standard 14-day quarantine procedure is likely to cause considerable challenges in logistics if followed.

“With Santa physically entering every house, the risks are unbelievably huge that if he contracts the virus, he could spread it in ungodly proportions," continued the official.

Although Santa may enter a sizable volume of homes, the fact he does this while everyone in the house is presumably asleep might prevent a large number of interactions.

“Luckily, the social distancing requirements should be followed, but there is evidence to suggest Mr. Claus doesn’t always adhere to the guidelines,” explained the official.

The official is referring to multiple complaints of mothers caught kissing Mr. Claus going back nearly three decades.

Others are more concerned about what happens if Mr. Claus is infected with COVID-19.

“You’re looking at a man in the highest risk group by age, add to that his weight and what, by all reports, is an unhealthy diet. He could be a ticking time bomb.”

NORAD is expected to include a COVID-19 infection counter on the Santa Tracker website in the weeks to follow Christmas.